In Memoriam

There are things you would never say, there are things I would never tell. The charismatic appearance seems to fade away like moon light in the dawn where the eternal sunshine makes way through. But I’m confused and confused as ever be.

Moreover, I’m changing. Instead of all the resistance for the same…There are new found love(s), crowds are okay, only okay though and at times they are the best company to feel part rather than apart.

I don’t really know why am I writing for this also has a share of resistance. ‘Why write’, I ask myself-What for? And there is no answer but a long silence and a mute laugh and I have my incomplete answers, better than none at all…

A few words from Ozzy Osbourne that I was just listening to-

“So, Now that it’s over, can we just say goodbye,
I’d like to move on and make the most of the night
Maybe a kiss before I leave you this way
Your lips are so cold; I don’t know what else to say
I never wanted it to end this way, my love, my darling
Believe me when I say to you in love I think I’m falling here…”

Hey all...

I am shifting to a new space, which is all mine and I am so damn excited about it.
So, catch me @ http://nehachandok.com/

Keep in touch...

Cheers!!!

Nothingness-Revisited!

I was kind of amused when i read a story! The story/article read-

A young lad, of about 10-12 years, known for his naughtiness all around was sitting on a porch, tired waiting for his mother to call him up for food. Being really tired after a long hulla bulla day, he just watched the beautiful sun setting and disappearing in the expanse of sky, splashing with colors! His mother realizes that her son was not anywhere to be seen around and she assumes that he must be up to something naughty again. Busy with her cooking, she calls out, rather yells-Son, where are you? The boy replies back to her in a tired tone-mumma, i am here, sitting at the porch, when will the food be ready?

Her conviction grows stronger and she asks her son-what are you doing? the boy replies, nothing! Not satisfied, the lady again says-son, tell me what are you doing, be a good boy and tell me, alas, she gets the same answer. The same question, the same answer-the session continues for sometimes. The lady, in a furious tone by now, says, lad, if you are not going to tell me what you are doing exactly, you won't get the food! Tired by her mothers questions and unable to think of getting in to bed without food, the boy finally replies, mom, i am just playing with the grass here. Within a minute, he hears his mom, yelling at him, about she has toiled hard to create the lawn, reminding him that how last time he had plucked the flowers and ordering him to stay at a good distance from the flowers. After that, the house again sinks in to quietness and not a word is heard till dinner!

Why i have put up this story here is because of the fact that people seriously don't accept 'NOTHING' as an answer. Why is it so hard to accept that we can be doing nothing genuinely at times? Even i practice my part of nothing but then like the li'l kid i am forced to alter my answer to something! Is doing nothing that weird and strange? How many of you practice it? For me, it has more power then introspection or meditation itself! Yeah, for a hardcore workalcoholic, it would be simply-'a hell lot of wastage of time'! But i can say that it is worth it....Do nothing....

{P.S-This was my second-yes;) - very second post! Revisited on one of my very sweet friends request! }


Thanks for the image

|nsIders Ta|e-||

I ain’t deaf Bitch. I am just ignoring you: \
---

Continuing with the low-high spirit of mine! Low coz I have mellowed down in comparison to the normal tempo of a man’s spirit, high as I know I’m enough for Me, least for now.

I have always taken almost everything in the name of ‘TRUTH’, ironical eh! I realize now, how 99% of those so-called truth intakes were actually pills wrapped in sweet voices making sure they had their way-coming from the other mortals, once my friends!

Reasons-well, you still think everything in this damn world is logical?!
The other celestial beings-maybe aliens or saviors-I don’t talk about, I make no claims on there being or not being but I am sure they aren’t concerned.

The one percent of the real truth was raw and rude which then, I refused to admit or even think about. Lies or truths, I don’t hold any grudges for this is one fucking fact that they made me what I am. I don’t promise to be DIFFERENT but at least I know I am no ordinary!

I look back and I see I used to be different because I was just like everyone around. Making efforts, trying to know people, lying for friends and lying with friends but I’ve changed. Period! I don’t mind anymore and people don’t matter! Contradictory to the fact that I still live in a society which anyways, I don’t wish to interact with.

I try to live with myself, for now!

I have friends! Yeah, and I can count them on my fingers or name them in a single breath. They know me, maybe! I no more make claims- not for the fear of getting disappointed but for the thought of troubling them with burden of doing so. Neither do I feel insecure amongst strange faces nor between acquaintances like before. I don’t expect them to know me, I don’t want them to!!! Those who have been along instead of my strange ways, I seriously admire your guts but thank you I may not, for it was and would always be your and your prerogative alone. I confess I feel lighter even when I sound hollow or eccentric! Take your call, if you have a choice!

And to those of you who want to tell me ‘everything is fine’; I guess you don’t know what the fuck is going on and well, neither I plan to break into your world of delusions. EnJoY!

Finally, I don’t have to make an effort to put forward the side of me which repulses ‘people’, it comes naturally now! I am bored with people who try to label every shit, every damn emotion, and every other thing, for once try taking things as they are without prior judgments of like what they should be.

I still admire a few-maybe coz they are sitting miles away from me or for they are ‘really’ worth admiring! But seems like I won’t ever be too much impressed!

To the world-yes, you gave me enough chances-eh, I still IGNORE! :|

----

Without past and future, I live the present with ME!

An ode to solitude!

(Diary entry:06)
Revisited!

Good evening, my friend!
What plans do you have tonight?
Do we spend another in my room-
Or should we take a walk by the river side?
I am no more a coward;
I’ll tell you all the truth
I haven’t only cheated
I have mistreated you too!
Always saw a fiend in you
Chased people for company-through and through
Dismissed the relation I share with you
You were a friend-never accepted it though!
When the evenings went gray
And the nights were dark…
When there weren’t banter
No company that I sought…
You always came back to me
To be at my side!
To keep me gay
Letting me be my way!
Hand in hand
Now we lay…
Listening to the chariot of time
Sleeping it away
While they conspire about our way
Let’s live it our way
For the bliss I found in thee
Oh my friend! I love you if you may!

thanks for the image

|ns|ders ta|e-|

Shut up BITCH! M trying to talk :|

---
Life is in a passive mode even when there is so much happening around. Seems like I have accepted its absurdity and instead of resenting it all the time I sit back, relax and watch it unfolding itself. Yeah, not many people can do that, moreover that’s my choice.

The more I see, the more of cynicism grows inside me. I had always wondered what makes people so hard after an uneventful series, now I wonder what has made me so?! I have had my part of shit but its nothing too much-I am here which makes it all the more obvious. SHIT HAPPENS but if you think you are the only one, I say WAKE UP!

Everyone wants to be sane in this insane world and I feel amused at the plight. There are people busy fucking and there are people fucking busy, first thing they call LOVE second eh, WORK. The more of lives I get a peek into, the more I am reminded of the Greek tragedies, everyone trying to know everything beforehand and it doesn’t surprise me that only contributes towards their wreck.

I have transgressed from the being the loner by choice to being the loner by nature. Now I can mark my space in a room full of people and still be all by myself, enjoy with no one to bother me. And on the other hand-being lonely SUCKS:| You can’t mark the difference, neither have I expected you to.

Meeting new people each day is nothing new now, hah, make it almost every second day. They don’t interest me anymore-their looks, the way they dress and such flimsy things but their apprehensions, their thoughts, their futility, their constant efforts trying to impress people around and so on is a treat!

Few things have become a vicious circle, changing constantly yet following the same old pattern which I have become aware of but that maybe next time, I am done for now.

---

It's nothing concerning you, You or YOU! I am just unearthing I to ME!

Red circle

Look into my eyes - you will see, what you mean to me, search your heart - search your soul, and when you find me there you'll search no more. Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for, you can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for, you know it's true, everything I do - I do it for you.

It is love for sure-sweet sixteen and handsome twenty two- perfect love story after all- just like those big banner movies- Movies, long drives and love making- what the fuck one would want more in life-parents never understand-old people-new things-run-save-love!

Look into my eyes you will see what you mean to me search your heart search your soul and when you find me there youll search no more dont tell me its not worth tryin for you cant tell me its not worth dyin for you know it's true everything i do i do it for you

Mistakes happen-a two year old kid-Danny-lessons-mature twenty and divorcee at forty-love couldn’t be better-white satin gown-ceremony-cowards run away- future for Danny-live-save-love!

Lookintomyeyesyouwillseewhatyoumeantomesearchyourheartsearchyoursoulandwhen youfindmethereyoullsearchnomoredonttellmeitsnotworthtryinforyoucanttellmeitsnot worthdyinforyouknowitstrueeverythingidoidoitforyou

She lies in her bed. A foul smell envelopes the room. Danny had left home some years ago and never came back since then. Her eyes search for some alcohol. It isn’t on the table but some tubes and bottles of medicines. It isn’t under the bed but a torn carpet, it isn’t in the cupboard at her right side, all it contains are some ragged clothes and some which she stole. On a cardboard sheet, pictures of her new boyfriend hung, a ten year younger lad whom she knew was holidaying on some islands with his new girlfriend. She tries to get up but her body doesn’t abide her.

‘I want some goddamn liquor! NOW!’

Her voice not only too meek but even weighed down by everything just crashes into the bare, stony walls of the small space she had managed to get to live by. The echo never came back, it just lost its way somewhere.

thanks for the image